I, Riot

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It’s been awhile.
Gone are the days of accidentally playing a bassline a third above the guitar part, (if it’s done now it’s on purpose). Gone are the days of songs in which the lead guitar line is just a giant solo (even though it was fun). Gone are the days in which we were expected to be at a band practice on time (sorry jake, i love you). Gone are the days of writing a song in five minutes and playing it the at a show the next day (we’ve seen how that ends). Gone are the synchronized dances (it’s now free form funk button dances). Gone are the bad boys, the rad boys, the rockstar pimps, and the mystery’s (like just what is destination color?) Gone are the days of taking our shirts off at every show. Gone are the days of Good Clean Dirty Fun.
But fear not! I know you’re gonna miss the shenanigans, shout outs, trying to find a band member a date from the audience while on stage (even though that bassist is still sexy and funky, he’s not single); heck, if you’re an odd sort you may even miss the lovely sight of carter’s bare rear end staring back at you from the stage (but please don’t tell us if you’re one of those people). But even though you will miss it, i assure you, the best is yet to come! These are the days of blistering, ridiculous, ninja guitar solos. These are the days of basslines that are so good you don’t even notice them. These are the days of ten minute drum solos, (right jake?) these are the days of vocals with meaning, passion, and just the right dose of nillihc. These are the days of music making you question who you are… or maybe where you are… or why your ears are ringing… why your pants are wet… something. Yes, this music will make you question something!! These are the days when time runs low, spirits run high, and ambition meets with reality. These are the days of making it happen. These are the days, of I, Riot. Thanks for joining us on the ride.

we’ve got high hopes for the future, but in order to aid you all in the here and now, we’ve compiled a brief dictionary of common i, Riot vernacular.

Nillihc: (n, adj.) Slang for sweet, tight, awesome, it also means peace, love, positivity, unity, passion, motivation, respect; to be yourself and be proud. The process of fighting for what you believe in, and not letting anyone hold you down.

Alt Fock/ Alt Runk: (adj) A description of I, Riot style of music. It is the combination of Alt, rock, and funk, however musical sounds may also be reminiscent of reggae, swing, punk, blues, and classic rock, among other genres.

Funk Button: (n) A phenomina occuring as a result of massive exposure to thick grooving bass lines and freakish funk guitar chords. The funk button is an area appearing on a person, which when pressed causes intense dancing.

Funktastic: (adj.) A description meaning funky, over the top, and tastic.

Funktastic Grizzly Bear: (n.) The alter ego of guitarist, Andrew Rogers. When in this state of mind, Rogers is said to set loins aflame with the voluminous levels of funk protruding from his guitar.

Funky British Amp Babies: (n.) Results of sound waves emitted from Rogers’ guitar amp hitting unsuspecting female fans, these babies are born from the musical seed placed in the women seen at I, Riot’s shows. Said to be born with profound knowledge of funk, these babies are destined to lead a life of musicianship. Cursed with bad dental hygiene, and an indescribable urge to speak with a British accent.

Shiggle: (v.) The action that occurs when [a] person(s) excrete their bowels and laugh profusely. While confirmed cause is unknown, some victims claim for it to derive from the spontaneous, stupid, and seemingly pointless antics of I, Riot. Derived from “for shits and giggles.”

We thank you all for all your wonderful support, without which nothing would ever have been nearly as amazing as it has been. We hope that it continues, and that we continue to tickle your minds, romance your bootys, and light your loins aflame.